Snarky Time! Life in a Clown Club

If you think your life is a clown club, here’s a little glimpse into mine. The last couple months have been filled with some fun revelations (see how I unknowingly aided my 9-year-old in becoming a viral sensation) & experiences of a lifetime (the most exhausting but rewarding trip to India with my 12 year old!)! This is just a fun little taste.

Oh and beeteedubs, starting in June, we will give you a review of my crazy life at the end of each month. So, if you ever need to laugh at someone’s life that’s not your own, or just need to know that you’re not the only one out there with some shi**y days, you’ve found the right place, my friend!

March 9

Snarky Time!

At Cheeky’s in Palm Springs

We were in town for an event and this was the pick-me-up I neededdddd. Have you ever been?

March 10

Snarky Time!

“Check these out Marley!” – Rhea Roberts

I recently started buying doTERRA essential oils and let me tell you – GAMEEEECHANGER. My favorite is their Balance Grounding Blend. “It promotes tranquility while bringing harmony to the mind and body, and balance to the emotions.” And Baby Jesus knows I need balance & harmony. #ThanksRhea

Check them out here!

March 12

Woohoo what a great honor! This is my second time being on the Wedding Academy Global board and I could not be happier. Love being a part of it wih some of my great friends – Simon T. Bailey, Ceci Johnson, and David Tutera. Let’s rock this, guys!

March 16

Snarky Time!

Debra Rogers is an amazing, inspiring chick who built her business off a shi**y guy. For once, thanks a-hole! #AmIRight?

March 17

Mother Drama #1 (of the MORNING):

When you wake up to an email from a bestie notifying you that your wanna-be-$2-hooker-9 year old has a PUBLIC story on Snap.

And you A) barely remember that she even had an account, until B) you note that Mama has the IQ of her 9-year-old because you have been blindly forwarding the continuous “password resets” to said junior hoodlum without a second thought.

All I can say is just wait ’til Daddy gets involved. Mama gonna look like a wilting violet. #AndHowIsYourSaturdayGoing? Make it a good one and Happy St. Pat’s!! Ciao Ciao and thanks Laura Maloney for the “fraud” alert. xx

March 18

Best thing I’ve seen all day is a push notification from Postmates:

“How’s the day after St Patrick’s Day treatin’ ya?”

I’m like, yeah, ironically not so well at the moment. Lucky me ‘cause they got them some free Dee-Lee-Varreeyyyyy.

March 23

Mommy and Stanley nonstopping it to Doha then on to Mumbai. Woo hooooooo!

UPDATE from Doha – 7:20pm local time: The latest American sheikh has evidently adjusted nicely to his surroundings. I’ve never seen anyone so thrilled just by the concept of “free food.” Oh right, the apple hasn’t fallen far from the try. Pot meet kettle.

UPDATE: 11:52am from Mumbai – God bless me man, do I have a pansyyyy on my hands. A little jet lag and the junior clown is acting like a pms-ing little girl: “Oh my eyes, my shoes, my…” Sugar, as soon as you step out that front door you’re gonna be mighty glad you’ve got both to “drive you crazy.” #SendHelp

March 25

Snarky Time!

“And then we were 33!” – Jacqueline Lundaquist

You put 33 people together and ya don’t know what you’re gonna get… Thankfully this group (although crazy, don’t get me wrong) got along well and no one killed each other! #Success

March 25

Snarky Time!

When I encouraged him to try some of the Indian cuisine as well as his (THREE) pastries, I didn’t think it would end up being croissants, cocoa flakes and merely carrots. #Progress?

March 27

Snarky Time!

“Remarkable evening on the Rann of Kutch!” – Jacqueline Lindquist

March 30

The tuk tuk twins off to dinner with Gandhi, I think, or someone equally fab!

April 3

At Kutch Safari Lodge

“American group arrival on Camel Carts, Horses and Camels…. Traditional Indian Welcome and blessings by priest…An Evening full of dancing, music, culture, fireworks and finger licking cuisine…..Thank you.” No, thank YOU.

April 3

At The Oberoi Amarvilas, Agra & Taj Mahal

Just en route to the Tajjjjjjjjj with my bestie, Stanimal!

12:57pm UPDATE: We’ve arrived! T-3 hours til we get the official, official tour. Can’t wait, Stanimal is meditating.

April 6Snarky Time

Let’s just rename this the Camel Coalition!

So lucky to have been able to ride these gentle giants. There was always someone saying, “Ok who wants to ride the camel this time?” Me. It was always me. I mean, I must’ve seemed like a kid in a freakin’ candy store! Poor Stanimal.

April 7

Snarky Time

At Hamad International Airport

Bless me baby Jesus, Lord above, I have never been so glad to be in a lounge in my life! And now, the rest of the journey home begins!

UPDATE 5:48am – PROGRESS!! Doha!!

UPDATE 6:15am (Doha time still): Nothing like still being half a world away but able to rally the troops from the lounge! Love me my Stanley, but it’s time to get back to bid’ness, ladies! Let’s FIRE UP THOSE JETS; Mama’s comin’ HOME!!!!!! Chelby Crawford Elizabeth Torrez Jean Collazo Pamela Bryan Maria Dietz Laura Maloney

UPDATE 1:44pm La La Land Time: LANDEDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!

“You bet that RIGHT after I landed, I slapped on some lipstick and headed to Nick’s! The clown club teased me for only drinking an iced tea but HELLOOO, my tolerance said ‘bye-bye’ when it realized I was in a DRY COUNTRY for two-weeks. #HelpUs

April 8

Snarky Time

“Cocktails with the big guy!! Finally got the official photo! What a royal treat!” – Jaqueline Lundaquist

April 14

Fun honoring our fav playmate Fr Gregggg! #LoveYouMissYouMeanIt

April 15

Snarky Time

At the Clown Club Golf Course

Our first time on the course alone without our golf instructor. It was an adventure!! I can now laugh at everything that went wrong . I’m glad we didn’t get kicked off the course and charged with reckless driving.

For the whole story (aka step by step list of everything that went wrong) click here.

April 18

Dear baby Jesus, this here is a plea. This is an EMERGENCY (and yes I mean emergency) post. Please baby Jesus, Lord above, deliver. Stay tuned, updates to come. Bless us all. Love you Jesus, yous my Man.xx #NotDesperate #LoveYouBabyJesus #Help

April 22

At the Clown Club Golf Course Again

Boy, I’ll tell ya my daddy never thought he’d see this day. Hitting a bucket of balls, SOLO, just to practice. Missin’ my tournament playmate though!! #Proud?

April 25

Here’s a Baby Jesus update from last week, live from Dallas. Note: This is a 2 min-ish pointless video, however, I do give a new shout out to super hot Chelby Crawford and yes, Elizabeth Torrez & Robyn Bomar, I am using my “Kevin voice.” And yes, #BabyJesus, this is a PLEA.

UPDATE: I made a Video #2. Just as pointless as the first, still in “Kevin voice.” Need to board now. Because clearly, I. Am. #Bored.

UPDATE – 11:42am ET: Finally just landed in DC. For the record, I could basically have gotten to Mumbai by now. #NapTime.

April 25

At Georgetown University

BEYONDDDDD excited to be chatting tonight at Georgetown University/Georgetown Mcdonough new space at @WeWork in DC!! What an honor. Love my #hoyasaxa! #eventprofs #smallbusiness #entrepreneurship#collaboration

Oh how time fliessss!

April 26

Snarky Time

Meet my new husband!! Love you Fr Jerry Hayes…and sorry Greg Goethals, you’ve been temporarily trumped. #MissYouMeanIt And thank you Cafe Milano for taking SUCH amazing care of the “padre” and me.

UPDATE 10:10pm ET: Just met Bret Baier. Merry Christmas to me, freaking #supercrush time.


Well, there is a solid glimpse into my life! “Sorry” or “You’re Welcome” – whichever suits your experience more. Make sure you’re following us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook for real-time daily snippets, Instagram stories, pig selfies, man (& mama) drama, and more.

Oh and if you’re here not for pure entertainment, but for parties, check out our FREE guide to planning a party – 65 Super Secret Party Tips

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Any fun or relatable stories to share? Have you also been in love with hottie news anchors?! LMK in the comments below. Ta Ta for now!

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Welcome to my sparkly world as a celebrity event planner, TV contributor & author obsessed with Louboutins, glitter + travel. Forever in search of the perfect donut. If you like something pin it!