If you think your life is a clown club, here’s a little glimpse into mine. The last couple months have been filled with some fun revelations (see how I unknowingly aided my 9-year-old in becoming a viral sensation) & experiences of a lifetime (the most exhausting but rewarding trip to India with my 12 year old!)! This is just a fun little taste.
Oh and beeteedubs, starting in June, we will give you a review of my crazy life at the end of each month. So, if you ever need to laugh at someone’s life that’s not your own, or just need to know that you’re not the only one out there with some shi**y days, you’ve found the right place, my friend!
At Cheeky’s in Palm Springs
We were in town for an event and this was the pick-me-up I neededdddd. Have you ever been?
“Check these out Marley!” – Rhea Roberts
I recently started buying doTERRA essential oils and let me tell you – GAMEEEECHANGER. My favorite is their Balance Grounding Blend. “It promotes tranquility while bringing harmony to the mind and body, and balance to the emotions.” And Baby Jesus knows I need balance & harmony. #ThanksRhea
Check them out here!
Woohoo what a great honor! This is my second time being on the Wedding Academy Global board and I could not be happier. Love being a part of it wih some of my great friends – Simon T. Bailey, Ceci Johnson, and David Tutera. Let’s rock this, guys!
Debra Rogers is an amazing, inspiring chick who built her business off a shi**y guy. For once, thanks a-hole! #AmIRight?
Mother Drama #1 (of the MORNING):
When you wake up to an email from a bestie notifying you that your wanna-be-$2-hooker-9 year old has a PUBLIC story on Snap.
And you A) barely remember that she even had an account, until B) you note that Mama has the IQ of her 9-year-old because you have been blindly forwarding the continuous “password resets” to said junior hoodlum without a second thought.
All I can say is just wait ’til Daddy gets involved. Mama gonna look like a wilting violet. #AndHowIsYourSaturdayGoing? Make it a good one and Happy St. Pat’s!! Ciao Ciao and thanks Laura Maloney for the “fraud” alert. xx
Best thing I’ve seen all day is a push notification from Postmates:
“How’s the day after St Patrick’s Day treatin’ ya?”
I’m like, yeah, ironically not so well at the moment. Lucky me ‘cause they got them some free Dee-Lee-Varreeyyyyy.
Mommy and Stanley nonstopping it to Doha then on to Mumbai. Woo hooooooo!
UPDATE from Doha – 7:20pm local time: The latest American sheikh has evidently adjusted nicely to his surroundings. I’ve never seen anyone so thrilled just by the concept of “free food.” Oh right, the apple hasn’t fallen far from the try. Pot meet kettle.
UPDATE: 11:52am from Mumbai – God bless me man, do I have a pansyyyy on my hands. A little jet lag and the junior clown is acting like a pms-ing little girl: “Oh my eyes, my shoes, my…” Sugar, as soon as you step out that front door you’re gonna be mighty glad you’ve got both to “drive you crazy.” #SendHelp
“And then we were 33!” – Jacqueline Lundaquist
You put 33 people together and ya don’t know what you’re gonna get… Thankfully this group (although crazy, don’t get me wrong) got along well and no one killed each other! #Success
When I encouraged him to try some of the Indian cuisine as well as his (THREE) pastries, I didn’t think it would end up being croissants, cocoa flakes and merely carrots. #Progress?
“Remarkable evening on the Rann of Kutch!” – Jacqueline Lindquist
The tuk tuk twins off to dinner with Gandhi, I think, or someone equally fab!
At Kutch Safari Lodge
“American group arrival on Camel Carts, Horses and Camels…. Traditional Indian Welcome and blessings by priest…An Evening full of dancing, music, culture, fireworks and finger licking cuisine…..Thank you.” No, thank YOU.
At The Oberoi Amarvilas, Agra & Taj Mahal
Just en route to the Tajjjjjjjjj with my bestie, Stanimal!
12:57pm UPDATE: We’ve arrived! T-3 hours til we get the official, official tour. Can’t wait, Stanimal is meditating.
Let’s just rename this the Camel Coalition!
So lucky to have been able to ride these gentle giants. There was always someone saying, “Ok who wants to ride the camel this time?” Me. It was always me. I mean, I must’ve seemed like a kid in a freakin’ candy store! Poor Stanimal.
At Hamad International Airport
Bless me baby Jesus, Lord above, I have never been so glad to be in a lounge in my life! And now, the rest of the journey home begins!
UPDATE 5:48am – PROGRESS!! Doha!!
UPDATE 6:15am (Doha time still): Nothing like still being half a world away but able to rally the troops from the lounge! Love me my Stanley, but it’s time to get back to bid’ness, ladies! Let’s FIRE UP THOSE JETS; Mama’s comin’ HOME!!!!!! Chelby Crawford Elizabeth Torrez Jean Collazo Pamela Bryan Maria Dietz Laura Maloney
UPDATE 1:44pm La La Land Time: LANDEDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!
“You bet that RIGHT after I landed, I slapped on some lipstick and headed to Nick’s! The clown club teased me for only drinking an iced tea but HELLOOO, my tolerance said ‘bye-bye’ when it realized I was in a DRY COUNTRY for two-weeks. #HelpUs
“Cocktails with the big guy!! Finally got the official photo! What a royal treat!” – Jaqueline Lundaquist
Fun honoring our fav playmate Fr Gregggg! #LoveYouMissYouMeanIt
At the Clown Club Golf Course
Our first time on the course alone without our golf instructor. It was an adventure!! I can now laugh at everything that went wrong . I’m glad we didn’t get kicked off the course and charged with reckless driving.
For the whole story (aka step by step list of everything that went wrong) click here.
Dear baby Jesus, this here is a plea. This is an EMERGENCY (and yes I mean emergency) post. Please baby Jesus, Lord above, deliver. Stay tuned, updates to come. Bless us all. Love you Jesus, yous my Man.xx #NotDesperate #LoveYouBabyJesus #Help TheProfitGoddess.com/BizProblem
At the Clown Club Golf Course Again
Boy, I’ll tell ya my daddy never thought he’d see this day. Hitting a bucket of balls, SOLO, just to practice. Missin’ my tournament playmate though!! #Proud?
Here’s a Baby Jesus update from last week, live from Dallas. Note: This is a 2 min-ish pointless video, however, I do give a new shout out to super hot Chelby Crawford and yes, Elizabeth Torrez & Robyn Bomar, I am using my “Kevin voice.” And yes, #BabyJesus, this is a PLEA.
UPDATE: I made a Video #2. Just as pointless as the first, still in “Kevin voice.” Need to board now. Because clearly, I. Am. #Bored.
UPDATE – 11:42am ET: Finally just landed in DC. For the record, I could basically have gotten to Mumbai by now. #NapTime.
At Georgetown University
BEYONDDDDD excited to be chatting tonight at Georgetown University/Georgetown Mcdonough new space at @WeWork in DC!! What an honor. Love my #hoyasaxa! #eventprofs #smallbusiness #entrepreneurship#collaboration
Oh how time fliessss!
UPDATE 10:10pm ET: Just met Bret Baier. Merry Christmas to me, freaking #supercrush time.
Well, there is a solid glimpse into my life! “Sorry” or “You’re Welcome” – whichever suits your experience more. Make sure you’re following us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook for real-time daily snippets, Instagram stories, pig selfies, man (& mama) drama, and more.
Oh and if you’re here not for pure entertainment, but for parties, check out our FREE guide to planning a party – 65 Super Secret Party Tips!
Any fun or relatable stories to share? Have you also been in love with hottie news anchors?! LMK in the comments below. Ta Ta for now!