Nothing makes me happier than to see genius activity in other people’s:
a) employees, b) children, and c) when it has nothing to do with me.
Just had to share these two emails that are making the rounds:
TEACHERS
These are actual comments made on student report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, some of these are really funny!
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.
6. The student has a ‘full six-pack’ but lacks the plastic thingie to
hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t
coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a
week.
11. It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out
1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
COPS
These police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country. Be sure to read all of them – the last one is the ultimate slam!
1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just
went through.”
2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch
after you wear them awhile.”
3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate
a worthless document.”
4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
5. “Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? Because that’s the
speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”
6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. “Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
8. “Warning! You want a warning? OK, I’m warning you not to do that again
or I’ll give you another ticket.”
9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not…Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
shit.”
11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven.”
12. “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”
13. “How big were those “two beers” you say you had?”
14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re
allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief of Police is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail…”
AND THE WINNER IS…
16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we
don’t. Sign here.”
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