Have you ever tried to get a massage when you’re pregnant? Forget it. Don’t even think about going to a chain of spas. The mere mention of a baby bump will prompt a visit by the manager speaking in a very low voice about your “condition” and their “policies”. You will be asked all kinds of questions about your medical history, recent experience with massages, how far along you are, the works. Unless you’ve been down this road before and can lie effectively, forget any kind of rub down. Your presence will be treated as if someone had just loudly yelled that they have HIV.
In the last week, for the sole purpose of inducing my own labor, I have gotten a bikini wax, massage, accunpuncture, been cracked by the chiropractor, have climbed 5 flights of stairs (twice), completed a window display that involved lifting, tugging, reaching, crawling and climbing – nothing. Then I started gardening and moving furniture. Still nothing. So if after all of this I still cannot bring on a single contraction, why is it exactly that I have endured what can only be called a pregnancy tickle? Massage would be too strong a word. Haven’t we all heard stories of these women who eat a salad and take a walk and the kid pops out? Women of the world, please enlighten me because I’ve got NOTHING going on.
Leave a Reply