Wedding and Event Planner Blows It At The Beach

This week I did a talk in Austin, an amazing city, full of cool restaurants and other fabulous wedding and event planner type peeps like me. My talk was on failure. A topic with which I am very familiar. #Shocker #Not Shocking to anyone who has followed my blog for awhile. To say that I have stumbled in life would be a gross understatement, but recently, especially with how well life has been going lately, I kind of thought I was, well, immune. Maybe immune would be too strong a word, but maybe less, sensitive?

Until I pulled this lame a– move and decided to go bathing suit shopping after breakfast.

What a freaking fool. Lame me thinking that I’ve been working so much, drinking vodka and not indulging in carbs, by, well, drinking vodka, I was feeling pretty good about myself. In Santa Monica for the weekend with my bf, escaping the 2 million degree Pasadena heat, I felt confident enough to take the deep dive and brave the bathing suit sitch. The only woman’s shopping experience below that of shopping for jeans. And as any of my #eventprofs know, if you’re a wedding and event planner, it’s because:

1. You like to make people happy
2. You like to make yourself happy by occasionally eating/drinking, or in the case of this genius wedding and event planner, both, simultaneously.

Bathing Suit Shopping = Failure

That’s really what my talk in Austin SHOULD’VE been called. Goading myself into the completely false thought that I was practically underweight, I made the bold move of ordering pumpkin pancakes at Jinky’s. Jinky’s of all places. Delicious, yet not exactly low cal (and for the record, that was not Jinky’s fault because they had PLENTY of low cal options for which I did not opt.)

Back to the point: I pound the pancakes after way too much coffee and head to Diane’s. Dumb, dumb. I think I tried on 4 million bathing suits, finally bought one because it looked “good enough” and mostly because I couldn’t put my sweet #nugget through the torture of waiting for me any longer. So note to everyone out there who has ever wished me ill, don’t worry, the karmic stick got me. All that Kool-Aid I’ve been drinking over the course of my life hit hard. The muffin top was in full bloom and I’ve spent the rest of the afternoon at the Jonathan Club no less, first world problems for sure, sulking. #Nugget, after about 10 times of asking, finally got me to admit that yes, I was in a funk. It did not help that there were about 900 blond bombshells surrounding us talking about weddings and upcoming first babies and I felt like screaming: “Look you trolls, I’ve had 3 babies and all of that cooing and gooing is overrated. In fact, you’d think I was carrying another one now.” I could’ve continued with “And all of those aisles you’re prepared to walk down, well get used to it, ’cause it won’t be your one and only aisle. They’ll be lots of freaking, flipping aisles in your future, sister. I’ve practically lived on one like a damn stewardess on a runway.”

Could one be any more bitter?

I guess not. And that’s why I am proudly wearing my wedding and event planner muffin top and owning it, and why I am glad that I have a blog, (two actually) right? I get to rant. You get to rant and do whatever your fat rump wants when the blog on which you right is your own.

For the record, bf caught wind of the pancakes title and fled.

Poor #nugget, literally just fled the room. For real. Said delicious blue eyed creature (who, for the record, doesn’t even let his kids use the word fat, people are merely, “heavyset.” Bless him.: “Babe, I think I’ll join you downstairs when you’re ready.” Yup, nobody wants a fat, bitchy blogger. Well, ya know what #nugget, you run right along while I get my juju out here and reconnect with my girlfriends who will understand what it’s like to FAIL.

And on that note…

I’m going to head down to the bar in some kind of waistless kimono, down a couple of shots and try and find me some new clients who want a wedding and event planner, who is, well, as chunky and seasoned as this one.

So there. Puhlllleeeez do me a favor and give me a couple of cheery comments below. I owe ya. xx

 

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