Lame Lounges

I do a decent amount of traveling so I spend a good amount of time in airline lounges. I can’t figure out why an airline’s “special” area would be lame. Recently, I took an international flight and flew on Continental; it wasn’t exactly Virgin Atlantic but Virgin didn’t fly where I was going. The lounge at the Houston airport where I had my layover was ridiculous. It was huge, I guess that can’t be helped, the food was uneventful (Fritos and sliced cheese in wrappers) and the staff really stuffy. Hugh? Could someone correct me if I’m wrong here but if I’ve paid enough for my flight and/or am part of that airline’s frequent flyer program, can’t they manage to make the lounge even medium decent?

Instead of continuing to focus on the negative, I am going to tell the airlines what constitutes a great lounge. These fab spots do exist and are usually part of Asian airline service. A rock star lounge has, but it certainly not limited to:

* NICE employees (get the he– out of the service business if you can’t be somewhat pleasant)
* Cool beverage choices (cappuccino machines are just particularly thrilling for me)
* Computers with internet access (note, I did not say just internet access but the actual computer)
* Interesting food (I’m not looking for escargot here but something edgy like peanut butter and honey sandwiches, Violet Crumble, ice cream bars in a cooler – this stuff can’t really be more expensive than Fritos can it? And by the way, I am a Fritos junky so no Fritos hate mail to me please.)
* Something different (help me but the whole world needs something different in order to make it cool. Great events have something unexpected, a worthwhile lounge could have a signature drink – alcoholic or nonalcoholic, I don’t care, or a million other things I could dream up for the airline execs after having just half a cocktail.)

If anyone has seen nail treatments in an airport lounge, please email me. For the life of me I can’t understand why someone doesn’t just charge sky high prices for a manicure when you’re between flights. I would pay whatever fee necessary to leave my chipped and challenged digits behind because most of the time getting a manicure before I board goes by the wayside. So far the only cool airline guy I’ve found is Richard Branson. Continental, do you hear me? Houston, we have not yet landed [in style].