OK, so I’m getting ready to do my teleseminar on blogging (by the time you guys read this it’ll be done) and I’m about to check my email, of course because what’s a teleseminar without a girl who has checked her email 10 seconds before? Let me tell you, it would be a competent leader who does not have to check her email every 5 seconds. I am now going to start a chart. I swear, it’s going to be like my cookie chart – how many cookies have I eaten today (that counts half cookies, little parts of Stanley’s cookies, Coco doesn’t eat cookies yet so I pretend that I’m enjoying them for her, you get it) and I am going to log how many times I check my email. This will be particularly disastrous because sometimes it takes me awhile to get back to people. I am sure this is because at some point I actually wake up and get to work.
Anyway, email is not really the point of all this. Because I am fixated exactly on what I should not be, I get this email from my husband that says: “After I-15 closed due to blizzard conditions, Ellen Goldsmith of
Garnevill, Nev., took her alpaca for a walk in the Cajon Pass in San Bernardino
County on Monday.” As you can see, we have NOTHING to do in the land of nuts and berries here but scour the internet for ridiculous stories. Clearly, Ellen Goldsmith has a little time on her hands too.
So if anyone wants to send me a gift, I really, really want an alpaca, and one of the horses with small shoes. By the way, on Sunday, I went to get my lomi lomi rub down by fabulous Karen, the Hawaiian healer, and what did she ask me (I have been DESPERATE to tell you guys this)? Swear ON MY LIFE? She goes, you know who is looking for you? And I thought, oh God, who, I mean, oh goodness, who, and she said, what’s that funny woman, Goldie Hawn’s daughter’s name? And I said, KATE HUDSON? And she said, yes, Kate Hudson is looking for you.
I almost had a stroke right there in my Hawaiian wrap. Kate can’t be lookin’ too damn hard because her name should come up on the internet about 10 billion times right next to the freakin’ Party Goddess. WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL KATE TO CALL ME AND PUT US ALL OUT OF MY MISERY? (Noticed I said and put us all out of my misery – little egocentric PG’er I am.) Do you know that I ran into a loyal blog reader at dinner the other night and she actually said, I really hope Kate Hudson calls you. My life has sunk to a new low. I am known only to my local Pasadena friends as the pathetic girl who can’t find Kate Hudson. In about 10 seconds I’m sure someone will tell me that we’ve shared the same childhood dentist our whole lives. Hey, I’m going to Malibu on Friday for an appointment. Maybe that’s where Karen thinks I’ll see her. My eyes will be OPEN.
Send help and enjoy the alpaca picture. I’m now going to look for a good internet scam to respond to, I had no idea so many of you were so entertained by the Mr. Carlson story…
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