The Basics

I just got back from Providence (that’s in Rhode Island – a lot of people don’t seem to know that when I mention it – weird) where I taught at a conference on my whole “…But Are You Making Any Money?” subject of job costing. I am working on a book about same and consequently have found myself a new job as public speaker (this ensures that I really know what I’m talking about. Truthfully, this intro should have nothing to do with this blog here so I’ll just move on now.)

Anyway, I am constantly amazed at how challenged people are about traveling. It is not rocket science, truly. Most of it is common sense but a lot of people seem to have tremendous trouble navigating the basics so I’m just going to pitch my two cents in here and therefore not just complaining to my girlfriends. “Challenged Travelers Alert! Practical Tips Have Arrived at a Computer Near You!”

* You cannot bring liquids on board planes that are more than 3 ounces. This is NOT difficult to remember. Most of these rules have been in place for like 5 years. Yes, it’s a bummer but it’s now a fact so just move over and get used to it. As soon as I can buy that TPG corporate jet painted pink zebra I’ll carry all of the 12 oz bottles I want, but for now, it’s 3 ounces!

* Here’s an easy thing to remember that is now posted all over every airport: 3-1-1. You can have up to 3 ounces of a liquid in 1 (that’s quantity 1 bag per person), 1 gallon Ziploc bag. (The brand does not matter although if Ziploc would like to sponsor this blog, I would be beyond delighted to say it matters greatly.) This does not mean that you can have 2 – 1 gallon bags. It doesn’t mean that you can have a 1 gallon bag and a bottle of water. Hellooooooo, water is a liquid. Pitch it please before you get right in line before me.

* You have to take off your shoes. Don’t try to get away without doing this, you will only hold up the line and enrage the security attendant. This is bad for those of us behind you because then he or she (already somewhat bitter security attendant – no union letters about this please) starts checking us more thoroughly out of spite. (This is a problem because if you want to sneak a few extra ounces on you, out of the plastic bag, you can stuff them in your pockets. You cannot do this if you are getting frisked.) Back to shoes.You have to take them off. Yes, it’s gross. I can’ even IMAGINE what is on those floors. Now some clever person has come up with these little paper numbers that stick to the bottom of your socks before your freshly laundered numbers actually touch the grime. I can’t remember at the moment who that clever person is or what the product name is. (Note to gentle reader: more research required here.)

* Planes are really dry. Drink tons of water before and during the flight and walk around. (Plane time is also not a bad time to practice our Kegel exercises.) If it’s a really long flight (LA to Tokyo qualifies), get on board with your make up on, scrub your face and apply tons of lotion. I mean like practically Vaseline (Aquaphor works really great for this and won’t make you break out.) Also consider bringing on Carmex for the lips. I don’t think that Carmex counts as a liquid, so far I’ve been lucky and it hasn’t.

(Check back on Wednesday, March 12, 7am PST for Part 2 of How to Travel Like a Goddess)

Airplane illustration compliments of Google Images.