Symbolism of the Toe

All major speaking engagements lately seem to involve a problem with my toe. The second I came back from New York after Uncensored merely WEEKS ago, I promptly started unpacking my suitcase with my 5 year old by my side when I tripped over the chair and broke my little toe. Last night I had the great honor of speaking at the WIPA event at Crevier Classic Cars in the OC. Of all of the events that I forgot to tell my husband about, this one was a doozy because he is obsessed with cars. The super fabulous hosts had me driven in in a 1940’s Packard. A dream for my husband to even see, let alone ride in, and I forgot to tell him about the whole thing. No wonder I’m on marriage #2.

But then here we go again with the toe. As I’m leaving the event I catch my newly pedicured periwinkle big toe on my little rolling cart. (Note: I was in toeless shoes because of course I forgot that the pedicure wouldn’t be dry in time for my real shoes. ARGH!) I catch the toe, rip it to shreds and limp out of the venue. By the time I get home and my husband rips me a new one that he didn’t get to go to the fab venue, I ask him for Super-Glue to glue my toenail back together (that pedicure was a good one and I don’t want to waste it!) He gives me the glue, but Polish-wonder here, I don’t realize the glue has never been opened before. By the time I figure this out and pierce the top, the Super Glue comes flying out all over my fingers, the floor, etc. In the background my angel is saying “That better not have gotten on the floor, it’ll never come off.” Forget my lack of mobility of course. In my haste to hide the evidence, I get a Kleenex, clean up the floor, the fumes get to me, I rub my nose, yes, with the Super Glue on the Kleenex am now on fire convinced I’m going to die of Super-Glue inhalation (and the news is going to say “We knew she was on drugs all along”), try to get it off my hands and manage to glue my toenail back together. I realize this is all too much information but I just couldn’t help noticing the toe coincidences here.

Oh, and did I mention that ON THE WAY to the event, my bff is taking her precious Sammy Sammy Sammy to the emergency room or some desperate urgent care number to repair the toe that darling S3 broke on Halloween after being at my house.

What are the odds, people? Clearly I need an intervention. Thank goodness I didn’t seal my eyes shut. Or maybe I would’ve been better off. Anyway, thanks WIPA, Nahid, Pauline, Jessica, Jeff and Liese, I had a BALL last night. Even if I’ll never walk again.