Dear Jesse James,

…You are a complete idddiiiiotttt.

While I was happily living in my little Uncensored bubble last week, I reemerge from my 16 hour nap on Saturday to learn that JESSE JAMES CHEATED ON SANDRA BULLOCK? Are you kidding me? Seriously? The nicest, prettiest girl ever, who is battling to save your daughter from her crazy a– stripper mother, who just won an Oscar, who has more class than the Queen of England, and you’re cheating? Really? You’re cheating while she’s filming The Blind Side? (Blindside – one word?) What the heyyyylllll is wrong with the world? I get one night stands, sort of. I guess I kind of get them in theory but this whole ongoing situation with a girl who looks like she ran into an ink stamping manufacturing plant after the fire sprinklers went off is who you decided to cheat with? And leave poor Sandra at home in the dust?

Dude, I don’t even care if “most of what is being said” about you isn’t true. You’re a freakin’ loser. I hope the big fat karma bug bites you in the ya-ya because you DESERVE it. Now I’m going back to bed. Well, I’m going to search for hot cross buns, and then I think I’m going to bed.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Lame Jesse James. Stupid, dumb, lame Jesse James. Ugh.