As you will see by the photo above, I am very busy beautifying for my 40th birthday in just 3 short months. I have been yogasizing (see Kimchi Blog from earlier in the week), going to the gym, doing sprints and growing my eyelashes (thank you Revitalash. Oops, I still haven’t posted the eyelash close up, which I will do.) Then, I just decided that I would make my hair more of a reddish-mahogany color for something different. Thus, you see little miss cheerful at the beauty salon. It took EVERYTHING in my power not to go through the ceiling. Sitting still for that amount of time was pure torture. My hair guy is a good friend so he tried desperately to entertain me with real life stories about Chaz Dean (the guy being featured on my favorite show, Flipping Out with Jeff Lewis), commentary on NeNe and Kim and the whole wig situation on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, everything. He tried desperately to get me through the whole hair dying process. It was fine, until…
Dah, dah, dah, dah. I have a thief. So my cheerful housekeeper comes and tells me not only that she needs money for some relative’s eye surgery (also known as a Prada bag for sure) and 15 days off to visit the victim, but that also she needs to discuss something “of very personal of nature.” Let me guess, she saw Michael? (No, but I will have an update on that too and his ghost and the whole thing thanks to Beach Bomar). For several weeks she has been noticing a diminishing amount of “paper of the bathroom” and laundry soap. What the heyyyylll? She is now doing the grocery shopping and goes to Trader Joe’s (because it’s fresher and cheaper.) Once a month she does the Target run for the cleaning supplies, etc. She knows how much will last her for the month, but it’s not lasting. Natch.
She proceeds to tell me that on certain days, the laundry soap is disappearing in chunks, but only when the plastic container (thank you Container Store) is full. When it “not so full”, evidently, not so stealing either. I ask her the usual questions, is she sure, etc. So I tell her to set a trap. (This is VEEEERRRRY Jeff Lewis/Flipping Out of me I think.) Get this, the fricker trumps me. She tells me that she has ALREADY set a trap. In fact 3 traps. She knows the days and times that the soap goes missing. Now here’s the problem. The thief could be a few people – one of my TPG assistants, a yeah, probably not, one of the other help (most likely) or my husband. Yes, “Meeeeester Marc.”
He’s out of town so I can type this blog. You see Meeeester Marc does not buy the soap. I do. So the way I look at it, since he is insisting on still doing his own laundry because of course those little underoos of his need special care(?) (we’ve been married for 7 blessed years this month), I figure he could be absconding with the soap and perhaps using it elsewhere (another family? A baby mama?) or actually attempting to trade this on some sort of black market while I am getting beautified at aforementioned beauty parlor. Maybe he doesn’t want me to go red?
I am not sure. What I am sure of however is that I am in the process of installing cameras in the courtroom, er laundry room. Stay tuned, this one is going to blow. Noooooobody steals from the Goddess.
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